I request permission for a leave of absence from the highest authority in my life for the following period:
Date(s): __________ Time of departure: _______ Time of return: _________
NOT to exceed: ________________
Should permission be granted, I do solemnly swear to only visit the locations stated below, at the
stated times. I agree to refrain from hitting on or flirting with other women. I shall not even speak to another female, except as expressly permitted in writing below. I will check my voice mail every night (without fail), or consume above the allowed volume of alcohol without first phoning you for a verbal waiver of said alcohol allowance. I understand that even if permission is granted
to go fishing, my girlfriend/fiancé/wife retains the right to be pissed off with me the following week for no valid reason whatsoever.
Amount of alcohol allowed (oz.) Beer ____ Wine ____ Liquor ____ Total _______
Locations to be visited: ___________________________________________________
Females with whom conversation is permitted: __________________________________
IMPORTANT – STRIPPER CLAUSE: Notwithstanding the female contact permitted above, I promise to refrain from coming within one hundred (100) feet of a stripper or exotic dancer. Violation of this Stripper Clause shall be a severe violation of this contract and immediate legal counsel will be required.
I acknowledge my position in life. I know who really wears the waders in our relationship, and I agree it’s not me. I promise to abide by your rules & regulations. I understand that this is going to cost me dearly in honeydos and gifts. During my absence you have the right to go shopping and spend an equal or greater amount than I spend. I hereby promise to take you to any chick
flick or concert of your choice, should I not return home by the approved time. On my way home, I will not stop at Cabala’s, Bass Pro Shop, Fly Shop or any other sporting good establishment. Upon my return home, I promise to be at your beck and call for the next 30 days and any intimacy will be on your request ONLY. I declare that to the best of my knowledge (of which I have none compared to my BETTER half), the above information is correct.
Signed – Boyfriend/Fiancé/Husband: _____________________________________