Keys Treasures
For All Conchs & Conch Wannabees

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Desktop Tan Buddy

Here at Keys Treasures, we fully understand the sun isn't always your best friend. But, unlike vampire rats, the sun is not PURE evil. It does have a few redeeming qualities. Like sunspots and eclipses. It's also used to grow your own Keys Buds. Some people even tunnel sun rays through a magnifying glass to set, insects and iguanas ablazin. One of the strangest qualities of the Sun, however, is that it can make the color of your skin change. And while it is very dangerous to the cells in your epidermis, this practice of changing ones skin color purportedly makes you more socially acceptable in general and desireable to the opposite sex. What geek doesn't want that?

Don't let the sun have the monopoly on making people love you more. Get the USB Desktop Tanning center and, in the comfort of your own cubicle, a scrumptiously golden tone can be yours in about the same time it takes you to update your lame blog with another meaningless entry that nobody will ever read. And just in time to before that Keys Trip.

Features:
Two base units attach to either side of your monitor
4 WOLFFE Ultra-violet 100 watt bulbs
USB Powered
Variable rate knob features three settings (Powder, Tea, Malignant)
Comes with eyeball cover thingies!
Get yours here

April Keys News

Florida Keys Development News

Monroe County Commissioner nominated for 2006 Nobel Prize.

The 2006 Nobel Prize for Architecture Design for Developers of Natural Treasures, last given to Lipra Solof, may go to Commissioner Nelson.

Key West, the Resort

Dubai one of the richest contries in the Middle East, despite only having a population of 1 million, has purchased the entire island of Key West. Reports have surfaced of plans for the Largest Island Condo/Resort in the World.

Read the complete story here Key West Condo Resort

Florida Keys Nature News

World record Kingfish under investigation

Reports of use, by Key West's Stelph brothers, of a Secret Fish Attractant to catch their record breaking kingfish last year in the tournament may taint record.

Read the real story here Honda's April Surprise

Hurricane Katrina Spawns Giant Lobsters

Local guide reports Giant Spiny Lobsters chasing divers. Some as big as six feet long invading the shallows around Big Pine Key.

Find out why this happened here Hurricane Lobsters

PETA approves FWC Test to Eliminate Exotics in Florida Keys

The test involves introducing a genetically altered version of the bird flu that would infect any non-vaccinated wildlife and result in sterility.

Mutant Pine Beetles Threaten Big Pine Key

A mutant strain of pine beetle is wreaking havoc on the islands most luxurious homes, and sparking a response far more furious than any directed at the pests chewing up the pine trees.

Florida Keys Political News

Key West Mayor to use drunks pay off recent court judgements

Following the Texas lead Keys Drunks to be cited and fined. Huge monetary winfall predicted.

Read the full story here Throw up and Pay up

Spy Poles to help Jeb win Presidency in 2008

Democratic Cell Phone conversations to be monitored with the new Traffic Spy Poles.

Read part 1 of the series here Pole Polls

Mom-and-pop shops banned in Islamorada

Finally realizing that big-box stores are the “wave of the future” and “there’s no need for anything else” Islamorada Village council Friday banned new Mom-and-Pop stores from now until global warming makes the islands a memory.